wanna go halves on a baby?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
