thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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