My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
