You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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