You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
