I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I deserve this hangover.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
