Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
