I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
