we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dicks are not precious.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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