and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
