let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Boobs speak an international language.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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