if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
