omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
