My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
