fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
