i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
