so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
