Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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