The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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