just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need moral support for this bender
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
