i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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