if i can run in heels then i can drive
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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