yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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