You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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