erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
