the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
