i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
