I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
