Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
