Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
