If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
