Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
