I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
