Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
