I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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