im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
