New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
