Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
