Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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