Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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