just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think i have two assholes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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