Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
