I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
