There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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