So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
