Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
