Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
