Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
