She is in my trunk
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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