you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
