before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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