i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
