Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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