I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
