I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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