Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
