Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
