she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
