I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
