I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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