i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think i got beer on your cat.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
