"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
