It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
