Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
