My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
