I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
