Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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