he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
